Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
