I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
