What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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