Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
