"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
