totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize