If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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