I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
