so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
