): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
