that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
barbara walters just said penis...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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