can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Edward fifth and chaser hands
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
