My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize