I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
