I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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