ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
