i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
