I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
