so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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