My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
