all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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