you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
