he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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