If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
