Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
