im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
