I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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