I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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