i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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