He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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