That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We need to get me chipped asap
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
