I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Princesses don't give blow jobs
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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