it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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