I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
