I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
