I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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