Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize