Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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