Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
