i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize