; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
