therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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