Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
