I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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