ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
