his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
