This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
