I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
