They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize