Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
