So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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