dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
this hospital has no fireball
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
