At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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