Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
