Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning

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(513): View more from Ohio

My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...

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(604): View more from British Columbia

We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter

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(310): View more from California

How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?

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