If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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