Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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