woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Is it penis luge time yet?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
