Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
