I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The feeling are messing with the penis
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
