the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
