In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
