evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
