Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
