That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
