I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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