Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
