goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
