my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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