dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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