I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
