Whod you bang
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
