It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
