I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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