Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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