Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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