??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
