hotel room ftw
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
