all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
