His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
