a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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