i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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