I just threw up on my dentist
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize