Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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