I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
