why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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