you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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